TDC Halloween Special I: Hot Tub of Hell
Quotes Behind Schedule (Alarm Clock sounds, Jessie hits it and wakes up) Jessie: Oh man, 7am and it's Monday. What a bad combination. Eileen: I know, but maybe we should mess around just for 5 minutes. Jessie: Love to but I can't, I'm on schedule. 7am - 7:10am, I shower and then poop. 7:10am - 7:25, I get dressed. Then I have until 7:50am to eat my breakfast, brush my teeth, pack my schoolbag, taunt my sister and catch the school bus. Eileen: 5 minutes of lezzing out won't affect your stupid schedule. Jessie: Oh fuck! Thanks to that delay, now I have to brush my teeth in the car! 50 minutes later... Jessie: Just in time. The bell just rang so we must get to class. (Car crashes) Jessie: Oh god damn it! Eileen: Asian! Ciara: Oh my gosh Jess, I am so sorry I hit you. I was texting while I was driving to inform you that there is a Geometry test first period. Jessie: (gets out of the car) That's ok, let me pick up that piece of your bonnet... (bones crack, Jessie moans in pain) Ow... Ciara: Ooh Jess, looks like you need to get a hot tub to cure your injury. I own one and my spine is fine and flexible. Jessie: Ok. Eileen, you go ahead and park my car. Eileen: Sure thing. Now how do I use this? (Car spins around and crashes into the school) Guy 1: Watch it, bitch! Guy 2: Moron! Buying a Hot Tub Ciara: OMG Jessie, you should totally get this one! Jessie: The Party Tub 5000? I dunno, I heard those ones are evil or something. Ciara: Ah Jess, that's absolute bullshit. One Party Tub 5000 for my friend, please. First Usage Jessie: Hey Eileen, Ciara and I bought a hot tub during lunch break and I was wondering if you can come over and check it out. Eileen: Oh my god yes, I would totally love to come to your house and check out your new hot tub! 40 minutes later... Eileen: Wow Jessie, this is so amazing. But first I have to use your bathroom real quick, and then I'll put on my favourite bikini. Jessie: Ok then, I'll just dip one of my toes in the hot tub to see if it's warm or not. 5 minutes later... (Toilet flushes) Eileen: Oh god, I was holding that shit since 5th period. (Jessie runs up to the bathroom) Jessie: Eileen, the hot tub outside is fucking amazing! Eileen: Oh my gosh, I should totally try it out! Jessie: Ok but first, since I'm all calmed down, let's do a little... Well, you know. 25 minutes later... Eileen: That... was... the... best... sex... I ever... had... with you. Jessie: IKR? We should totally try the hot tub out together. But first, we must put our bikinis back on because while we fucked, Rachel-Lou opened the door, saw us and threw up all over the hallway. Eileen and Jessie's Awesome Hot Tub Adventure Eileen: Oh wow, we're flying Jessie. I can see that jerk who stole my tampons from up here! Jessie: I hear you. In fact, we're flying into outer space. Eileen: We're gonna take our panties off and make out in 3, 2, 1! (Jessie and Eileen both take their panties off and throw them away, then they kiss each other) Rachel-Lou: Hey, HEY! What are you girls doing out here? Jessie: And what are you doing in the outer space, sis? Rachel-Lou: First of all, neither of you are in outer space, and second of all, mom told me that you two should be in bed since this is a frickin' school night!! Also, don't get out before I leave because I have seen enough boobs and pink triangles for one day! Hot Tub Party Barbara: Wow Jess, great party. Ciara: I agree. Here Jessie, this is a can of Spa Down. Jessie: What is it for? Ciara: It's in case the hot tub goes crazy or something. Use it to calm the hot tub down whenever it goes as crazy as you when you drink Red Bull. Jessie: Oh ha-ha-ha. But thanks though. Jessie's mom: Ok, what the fuck is going on here? You girls should be at your homes, sleeping! Jessie: Chill mom, me and my girls are having an awesome hot tub party. Jessie's mom: Don't care, it's a school night. Therefore, EVERYONE OUT OF THE FUCKING HOT TUB NOW!!!!!! Barbara: Ok, ok Jocelyn: Bitch. Jessie's mom: As for the hot tub, it will be thrown away first thing in the morning. 2 hours later... (lightning strikes and brings the hot tub to life) Hot Tub: It's time for bitches to die! Time To Take Out The Trash Jessie: I can't believe my mom's going to throw away the hot tub. Rachel-Lou: Thank god, I wasn't going to use it anyway, even after when you and Eileen fucked in it a few nights ago. Jessie: Shut the fuck up. (Jessie's mom pushes the hot tub to the curve) Hot Tub: Hey bitch! What are you doing? Jessie's mom: I'm throwing you out! You have been distracting my Jessie and her friends from schoolwork! Hot Tub: I'm afraid I won't let you do that, Mrs Yoshida. Jessie's mom: Wait, since when did you talk? Hot Tub: Shut up and die, bitch! (grabs Jessie's mom by her foot and starts eating her) Jessie's mom: Help!! Somebody! This hot tub's eating me! (Hot tub eats Jessie's mom and burps out one of her arms) Rachel-Lou: Oh... my... god. (takes a picture of the hot tub and sends it to Ciara on FaceBook) 3 days later... Ciara: Hey Jessie, your sister sent me this pic of your hot tub killing your mom. Jessie: (Sees the pic) Holy shit! My hot tub's a murderer! Ciara: That's right, I suggest that you should stay away from it as long as possible. Prank Call (Phone rings) Hot Tub (In Jessie's voice): Hi there, it's Jessie. Listen, you're invited to a super sexy hot tub party. Just come to my house and fuck me so hard! Eileen: (screams) OMG, I'm so there!! Hot Tub: (hangs up the phone) Soon, that bitch will die! (evil laughter) 30 minutes later... Eileen: Hello? Jessie, where are you? I'm only wearing a tight top and tiny panties. Hot Tub: Hello, Eileen. Eileen: Hello, have you seen Jessie? Hot Tub: Nope, but come inside. (grabs Eileen by her foot and sucks her in) Time for Jessie to Die Ciara: Hey Jess, I just saw the hot tub eat up Eileen. We better calm the fucker down, quick! Jessie: No Ciara, I must do this alone. She's my girl, so I must save her by myself. Ciara: Ok then. I'll be driving off. (Ciara drives off in her car, suddenly the hot tub aims a tube of water at her and Ciara crashes her car) Jessie: Oh shit, Ciara! Oh well, I might as well save Eileen for Ciara. 5 minutes later... Jessie: Hey asshole! I heard that you killed Eileen! I want to be with her forever! Hot Tub: You still can because you'll both be dead within the minute! (throws Jessie in) Jessie: Eileen, I've come to rescue you! (A huge splash of water hits Jessie and throws her out on the street) Hot Tub: Bye, Jess! Jessie: (moans, tries to grab the can of Spa Down) Dog: (runs Jessie over with his car, flips her off) That's for killing Brian Griffin last year, bitch! Trivia * This episode is based on the American Dad! episode Hot Water. Gallery Category:Season 4 Category:Episodes Category:Non-Canon